Touching Death

Audio Version | Song Credit: The Earth Prelude by Ludovico Einaudi

I was thirteen
When she first
Let me touch her

Years of torment
The dark veil
Came knocking early
On this hearts door

Something about scales
Of deserving
About babies
Who weren’t born equal

​Incessant whispers
Sewing invisible tapestries
Of guilt and shame
Into the nucleus
Of every cell

Year upon year
It Corrodes the heart
Displacing everything
And everyone into
A head so fucked up
And desolate
No creature would
Ever wish to live there

Reduced to a macabre circus
Of circuits and patterns
This body
Moves about landscapes
Here but not here
There but not there

Yet some small pocket
Of it
Still Longs for
Still craves for
The divine

Like a seedling
Buried deep in the soil
This ravaged
Bodily architecture
Is searching
for the light

It comes by the side
Of the M15
In the belly
Of a fluorescently lit
Medic van

Everything
And everyone
Completely quiet
Caught for a tiny moment
In their infinitude

Heart holding it all
She reaches out
And strokes my hand

A tunnel
A light
So bright and soft
It could cut a path home
For every star
in every galaxy

The absence of wrong or right
No need for good or bad
Just pure
Everything

A vessel filling
and filling
And filling
with the thing
It was always missing
But never knew
Until it is time
to come back

To find a way to live here
To find a space
free from pain
In the land of
Being alive